The Devil is trying to enter 2016 with me

Ok.

I met a guy online back in 2012. He was cool. We became friends and hung out a few times. One day he asked can he eat my pussy and he’d give me $100 every time. I didnt see anything wrong with the exchange so we started meeting up for this event. 

After awhile I really started to like this guy, but i felt he didnt take me serious. Anyway, We continued to see each other only when he wanted to put his tongue on this pussy. Because he didnt like me back i stopped answering his call. 

The last time I seen him was in 2013.

The day after Christmas 2015 I seen him on facebook and decided to say happy holidays. I didnt see the harm in it. I just moved on from him because of the feelings I developed. We started catching up on out lives. 

He asked to see me and deep down I want to see him BUT im in a relationship and that cant happen. He didnt ask to see me about eating my pussy but to have lunch. 

Fast forward to this morning, he sends me a text. 

  
When I said MY MIND IS TELLING ME NO BUT MY BODY TELLING ME YES!!! And a quick $100 to be pleased is alright after the holidays burnt my pockets.

I have these moments in my life where I feel the Devil is working on me and right now this is happening. I love my boyfriend with everything inside of me, but with the current issues and the negative comments he says makes me want to see what “Pussy Eater” is talking about. 

My relationship isnt worth $100

It’s okay to judge me on this.

My happiness

Sitting on the bus really analyzing my future in this relationship.

We dont have the same goals as a couple.

I want to get married one day. He’s already been married and doesnt want to do it again.

I dont have children and I recently had an abortion (my first pregnancy) that I regret every single day. I made the decision for my education because I’ll be graduating soon and if I kept the baby it would have been a major halt on life for me. I want to have a child soon after im done with school because i’ll be 32 in April and the clock is ticking. He has two sons (14 and 11) and doesnt really want a child right now.

He keeps saying im changing and I know its because of these reasons, but he doesnt. 

I feel like we wont be together much longer.

What’s going on?

I dont even know what happened last night.

I asked if he wanted to have sex. His response was “No. If you have to ask then I dont want to do it.”

Then I couldnt sleep so I tried having general conversation and he basically told me to shut up.

Im tired of feeling like this isnt working out.
Maybe we shouldnt be together.

Life changes

I havent been here in 6 months and so much has changed in my life.

I got pregnant for the first time in my 31 years of living and had an abortion in September.

I regret it.

I made the decision because im in school and close to my degree. I’ve never taken school so serious before. Since im only 9 months away from being a graduate I made the choice to end my pregnancy so that I could be a better mother to a future child. Plus our financial situation isnt the greatest and that was a factor also. 

I aborted at 4 weeks. My baby would have been born early May.

2 months later after abortion, I’m realizing I made the biggest mistake ever. I want to have a baby now, but my boyfriend doesnt. We’ve been having these serious talks lately about out life together. Marriage and having a family. His views are the worst. He’s been married before and has 2 sons with two other women. His past life experiences create a negative impact on us because he doesnt want the same things I want in life. I dont have kids and I’ve never been married. Now the conversation is “should we be together?” 

I love him with every bone inside of me BUT the reality is we dont have the same goals in this relationship. Idk what to do or say anymore

Quick question…

Is it okay for your significant other to flirt with the opposite sex? For example, go out of their way to give someone a compliment? or just a flirtacious conversation? Just a question…

No more long distance relationship…

My boyfriend has officially moved to my city!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY!!!! Only sucky part is we wont be living together, but I guess thats a good thing for now. We can get to know each other closer… Either way we’ve closed the gap!!! NO MORE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!!! No more trips between NY and Georgia. That 890 miles is GONEEEEEE 

Arguments

I like being in love, but the arguments really bring me down. I’ve been through so much to get my relationship back on track that now I feel like I wont put myself through it again. If he doesnt get on the plane tomorrow I wont even be mad. It will be the end of us though.

Moving

My boyfriend came to NY for Valentines Day to spend that time with me 😍 but also he had 2 interviews lined up! To make a long story short he got BOTH jobs!!!! FINALLY the 890 mile gap is closing!!! Im so happy and overwhelmed at the same time. We’ll finally be together, but we wont be living together. Im stuck on a lease with my mom until October so he’s getting his own place til we can get a place together. Either way im still happy! This is definitely a new chapter in my life! 2015 is shaping out to be a good year for relationships and education… Hopefully 2016 brings the money lol

THE NEW MAN

After 4 long, grueling months of being broken up, we finally rekindled our relationship after the New Year. I can honestly say he is a different man. I’ve always known he loves me and I’ve told him I was IN love with him. I asked did he feel the same about me and he said no, but today he told me he was IN LOVE!!! That may have been the best news I’ve gotten in awhile. Anyway, im happy about the change… He said he always knew he was in love with me but he was in denial. Im glad the denial is gone ☺️

Stressors

Well…
Everything is going good in our relationship, but he’s been out of the Army two months and now its time to get a job!!!

Right now he’s in Atlanta, but his hometown is Philadelphia. He’s been looking for a job in my city as we’ve been talking about moving in together and when im done wit school, May 2016, we will move South! The only problem is HE NEEDS A JOB!!!

Its stressful… Is ANYONE HIRING ANYWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES???